#1 Comfort with Uncertainty
#1 Comfort with Uncertainty

February 2, 2018

In transit from Washington, DC to Amman

Comfort with uncertainty is so clearly the only route to a real sense of safety. Fear of change only creates a cycle of fear. I do want to be taken care of today though. I want to be made to feel ok.

#2 Expectations
#2 Expectations

February 7, 2018

Al Azraq, Jordan

Cloudless skies again. No rain this season and the mudflat is bone dry. I keep arguing with people about expectations. Are they drivers to help us achieve our dreams, or the root of all disappointment? I try again not to have any, and fail.

#3 Learn to believe
#3 Learn to believe

February 9, 2018

Al Azraq, Jordan

Temperatures approach summer levels. The sky is hazy and gray. Miscommunication creates delays and a deep sense of foreboding consumes me. Has everything collapsed? Is there any way I can ever, ever, ever learn to believe?

#4 Belonging
#4 Belonging

February 15, 2018

Amman, Jordan

Gray February skies remind me of November in the upstate New York of my childhood. To Belong: To be the property of, be owned by. To be held by, to be in the hands of. It is a sudden shock of awareness, here, now, after a lifetime of searching. It’s here and now.

#5 Forgiveness
#5 Forgiveness

February 20, 2018

Washington, DC

Highs of 79F/26C but the night is bright and clear and cool. I’m reliving memories and seeing glimpses of the future unfolding ahead. Are we doing the best we can with the information we have? It seems like a good time to forgive ourselves for being human.

#6 Shadow Self
#6 Shadow Self

February 28, 2018

Washington, DC

65F/18C with flat gray skies. February made me go deep. It brought me face to face with parts of myself I hate: my distrust, fear, isolation, fragility. That’s what they mean by the shadow self. Now it seems I’ve turned the light on.

#7 Gathering Bones
#7 Gathering Bones

March 4, 2018

Washington, DC

The air is unseasonably warm, with light rain. I begin to “gather the bones”, to listen to the stillness, to build a foundation for belief. I’m imagining the sound of the wind on a flat, empty land and hearing it say “I am”.

#8 Power
#8 Power

March 10, 2018

Washington, DC

60mph/97kph winds, partly cloudy, 42F/6C. I believe that we create our realities with the power of our minds. It’s true in a poetic way, and true like concrete. They say that one of the ways we fully live is to fully recognize that we too will die one day.

#9 Waking Dream
#9 Waking Dream

March 16, 2018

Washington, DC

20mph/32kph winds and 37F/3C as we near the first day of spring. Would it be ok if I stopped pretending I’m powerless? Pretending that happiness depends on anything outside me? I’m increasingly open to the possibility that this life is a waking dream.

#10 Boundaries
#10 Boundaries

March 17, 2018

Washington, DC

After a spring-like winter, the cold returns this week in time for spring. As I take down the wall between my heart and mind I wonder where the new boundaries will be. I know myself by my thoughts…I know myself by my desires.

#1 1 Highs and Lows
#1 1 Highs and Lows

March 21, 2018

Washington, DC

34F/1C with 5+ inches of snow. I read an article that says a healthy path is a smooth satisfaction with life, but our animal nature has us addicted to highs and lows. I want to reject this theory, which only seems to prove that it’s true.

#12 Trust
#12 Trust

March 24, 2018

Washington, DC

47F/8C, sunny and cold. The thing people don’t mention when they talk about trust is that trust isn’t going to make it hurt any less to take the risks you are afraid of. It’s just going to help you believe that the fear is worth it.

#13 Live Your Truth
#13 Live Your Truth

March 28, 2018

Washington, DC

55F/13C, light showers in the afternoon. I am finding out what it means to “live your truth,” first the meaning of truth and then “my” truth. This truth isn’t the opposite of lying, it’s the opposite of hiding. It is finding, at long last, my voice.

#14 Joy of My Own Making
#14 Joy of My Own Making

March 31, 2018

Washington, DC

63F/17C, sunny with patchy clouds, Every few days we get one like this It’s starting to feel like spring. This month was an exercise in finding a place of calm within a storm of transformation. I spent days stewing in a joy of my own making to see what impact it would have on my heart.

#15 Heart
#15 Heart

April 2, 2018

Washington, DC

53 degrees. I have a conversation with my heart and it keeps talking about time and space in a way that convinces me we are talking about infinity. “Go into the space and time with no end” it says. I think about how to make that happen.

#16 Talking About Infinity
#16 Talking About Infinity

April 6, 2018

Washington, DC

A beautiful day. A day when I don’t think I can continue living in this body, I feel I should be an infinite part of the universe. And then suddenly I completely know the perfection. The oneness of everything. I laugh and cry and know. My heart just predicted this, and it arrived.

#1 Comfort with Uncertainty
#2 Expectations
#3 Learn to believe
#4 Belonging
#5 Forgiveness
#6 Shadow Self
#7 Gathering Bones
#8 Power
#9 Waking Dream
#10 Boundaries
#1 1 Highs and Lows
#12 Trust
#13 Live Your Truth
#14 Joy of My Own Making
#15 Heart
#16 Talking About Infinity
#1 Comfort with Uncertainty

February 2, 2018

In transit from Washington, DC to Amman

Comfort with uncertainty is so clearly the only route to a real sense of safety. Fear of change only creates a cycle of fear. I do want to be taken care of today though. I want to be made to feel ok.

#2 Expectations

February 7, 2018

Al Azraq, Jordan

Cloudless skies again. No rain this season and the mudflat is bone dry. I keep arguing with people about expectations. Are they drivers to help us achieve our dreams, or the root of all disappointment? I try again not to have any, and fail.

#3 Learn to believe

February 9, 2018

Al Azraq, Jordan

Temperatures approach summer levels. The sky is hazy and gray. Miscommunication creates delays and a deep sense of foreboding consumes me. Has everything collapsed? Is there any way I can ever, ever, ever learn to believe?

#4 Belonging

February 15, 2018

Amman, Jordan

Gray February skies remind me of November in the upstate New York of my childhood. To Belong: To be the property of, be owned by. To be held by, to be in the hands of. It is a sudden shock of awareness, here, now, after a lifetime of searching. It’s here and now.

#5 Forgiveness

February 20, 2018

Washington, DC

Highs of 79F/26C but the night is bright and clear and cool. I’m reliving memories and seeing glimpses of the future unfolding ahead. Are we doing the best we can with the information we have? It seems like a good time to forgive ourselves for being human.

#6 Shadow Self

February 28, 2018

Washington, DC

65F/18C with flat gray skies. February made me go deep. It brought me face to face with parts of myself I hate: my distrust, fear, isolation, fragility. That’s what they mean by the shadow self. Now it seems I’ve turned the light on.

#7 Gathering Bones

March 4, 2018

Washington, DC

The air is unseasonably warm, with light rain. I begin to “gather the bones”, to listen to the stillness, to build a foundation for belief. I’m imagining the sound of the wind on a flat, empty land and hearing it say “I am”.

#8 Power

March 10, 2018

Washington, DC

60mph/97kph winds, partly cloudy, 42F/6C. I believe that we create our realities with the power of our minds. It’s true in a poetic way, and true like concrete. They say that one of the ways we fully live is to fully recognize that we too will die one day.

#9 Waking Dream

March 16, 2018

Washington, DC

20mph/32kph winds and 37F/3C as we near the first day of spring. Would it be ok if I stopped pretending I’m powerless? Pretending that happiness depends on anything outside me? I’m increasingly open to the possibility that this life is a waking dream.

#10 Boundaries

March 17, 2018

Washington, DC

After a spring-like winter, the cold returns this week in time for spring. As I take down the wall between my heart and mind I wonder where the new boundaries will be. I know myself by my thoughts…I know myself by my desires.

#1 1 Highs and Lows

March 21, 2018

Washington, DC

34F/1C with 5+ inches of snow. I read an article that says a healthy path is a smooth satisfaction with life, but our animal nature has us addicted to highs and lows. I want to reject this theory, which only seems to prove that it’s true.

#12 Trust

March 24, 2018

Washington, DC

47F/8C, sunny and cold. The thing people don’t mention when they talk about trust is that trust isn’t going to make it hurt any less to take the risks you are afraid of. It’s just going to help you believe that the fear is worth it.

#13 Live Your Truth

March 28, 2018

Washington, DC

55F/13C, light showers in the afternoon. I am finding out what it means to “live your truth,” first the meaning of truth and then “my” truth. This truth isn’t the opposite of lying, it’s the opposite of hiding. It is finding, at long last, my voice.

#14 Joy of My Own Making

March 31, 2018

Washington, DC

63F/17C, sunny with patchy clouds, Every few days we get one like this It’s starting to feel like spring. This month was an exercise in finding a place of calm within a storm of transformation. I spent days stewing in a joy of my own making to see what impact it would have on my heart.

#15 Heart

April 2, 2018

Washington, DC

53 degrees. I have a conversation with my heart and it keeps talking about time and space in a way that convinces me we are talking about infinity. “Go into the space and time with no end” it says. I think about how to make that happen.

#16 Talking About Infinity

April 6, 2018

Washington, DC

A beautiful day. A day when I don’t think I can continue living in this body, I feel I should be an infinite part of the universe. And then suddenly I completely know the perfection. The oneness of everything. I laugh and cry and know. My heart just predicted this, and it arrived.

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